Is it because I queefed?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
