Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
