Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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