I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
