The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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