RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
