I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
