I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
