Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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