Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
