I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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