Small penises have feelings too.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
