I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
