sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
