He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
