can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
