Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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