Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
