my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
