Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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