If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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