I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
