I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
