So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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