Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
