im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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