I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
