Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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