new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
