Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
