I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
