yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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