Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
FUCK WHALES
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