that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
