gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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