I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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