i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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