Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
another moral hangover. fuck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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