I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
