The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
