spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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