the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
