If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
