It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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