Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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