ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
