Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
