I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
