party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
