The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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