RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
