I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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