I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
